stripethree

A recently got a reply from a current professor that only left me more frustrated. I thought about posting a line-by-line analysis of it, but decided not to.

I wouldn’t even be ticked except that this email, and the annoyance it caused me in it’s lack of useful information, personifies my experience with this class, and to some degree, this program. This professor is complacent about answering emails and sparingly posts to the class message board that he constantly encourages people to use. Homeworks have been given with material that (admittedly) wasn’t touched in class and there have been numerous points where the professor has answered questions on assignments by admitting a lack of knowledge of what he has actually assigned. Apparently he’s not only having trouble reading my emails, but is also having trouble reading his own assignments. I never stay the full class because I can read the slides myself and I don’t need him to read them to me, which is essentially what he does. Any question I’ve had could be answered through the Java Doc or Google, because, well, I’m talented like that.

It ticks me off that this what you get for $2350. That’s right. Read it again. $2350. Twenty three hundred and fifty dollars. That’s a lot of Frosties. One third of a turbo kit. Four car payments (sadly, I wish it were more than 4). Point being, why am I spending that $2350? It ticks me off that time and time again professors in this program show a general lack of interest in their students. It’s so painfully obvious that most of them are working or doing research and are teaching ‘on the side’ and really don’t care what you pull away from their course. That’s what I miss about Maryland. Many, I’ll even say most, of the Computer Science professors made sure you got something out of their course. Even if they did so by causing you great anguish and pain through programming assignments that bent the sleep-time continuum or exams that fried your brain so hard you had to bring something to wipe the drool up. It was challenging, it broke people, and when you finished, you felt like you’d accomplished something. You survived. This program, this grad program, with it’s stale course notes, reused assignments, and class sessions that do nothing to keep students interested, it isn’t going to feel that way. It’s going to end, I’ll get my piece of paper, add it to my resume, and probably not speak much of it again.

It feels pretty shitty to question the value of this degree so close to being finished. Beyond the point of no return. To some degree, it’s a $25,000 sham: I know that a Masters from Johns Hopkins looks good, real good, but is it just skin deep? How much new knowledge and ability am I really gaining for that much money, because there certainly are times when it feels like I’m just giving them money for them to check some boxes, pat me on the head, and say, “you did some work, your check cleared, here you go!”.

With class that is. Feels sooo nice. I need the break. Will I go back? That remains to be seen. I don’t want to feel like I’m ‘quitting’, but I still wrestle with the fact of how much it will benefit me. We’ll see, I don’t have to think about for a while, registration for next spring is way, way off in the distance. I was letting class stress me out way too much, no more.

I keep having the recurring thought to ditch my efforts at getting a masters degree. The first two classes I finished, I didn’t feel like I got a lot out of because most of the material I already knew through undergrad classes, my internship and my job. My current class is a similar deal, but I’m getting a little more out of it that the previous two. Not getting much out of it is not a motivator to continue with this at all. After the current class, I’d have seven more to go, and I’d would probably up to taking two a semester just to get it over with quicker. I barely go to this class now, and I just find it hard to be motivated to put down the effort; it just doesn’t seem like this is worth my time. It will benefit me salary-wise at my job when I finish, but not an amount that is life changing and not immediately (first annual assessment after completion I’d see it take effect). I know a number of people at work that have gone plenty far on just their bachelor’s degree and various certifications. I could shift my efforts to getting certifications that would probably benefit me more knowledge-wise and would also help salary-wise in a similar respect. The other thing, and this may sound dumb, but the time spent is taking away from other things… nothing that important, mostly car stuff, trips, etc. but I just don’t feel like I’m doing what I want to do with all my time outside of work. Maybe I’m just burned out because I took no break after undergrad. Maybe I should have skipped a class during the summer months with car shows and everything else going on. The money I have to throw towards grad school is ridiculous as well, if my company weren’t picking up some of the tab I’d never do it. And that’s part of the reason I think maybe I should stick it out… I might not have this opportunity again, and most of the people I know that did grad school in their late 20’s or after say they wished they’d done it sooner. I also don’t want to feel like I’m ‘quitting’ at it, if that makes sense. I started it, I’ve put time in, and I feel like I should finish, but in the meantime I’m missing out on other shit now because of it. Maybe I’m just nuts.

I should probably wait to think about this again after the week is out and I get through the current project in my class. This week has just brought on a pile of frustrating and stressful situations in many respects and I need to get through it before I go off and make a snap decision. I feel like I am overwhelmed in the things that I have committed my time to, and while my priorities might not be 100ight, more school is the one thing that I see that I could give up, be even happier than I already am, have more time to do the things I really enjoy, all those things, but with the catch that it might be an opportunity I can’t get back. I can take a step back from other things, specifically car stuff but I already feel like I waiting so freakin’ long to get involved in that stuff and I love it, I don’t want to give it up. It might sounds stupid, but it means a lot more to me that some piece of paper saying I suffered through more class.